I've been sick again. Getting over it still. Been in and out of the doctor's office this past week, different meds, different tests, its been hell. Despite all that I have been working on new content. (Thank god I look normal on the outside #InvisibleDisease #FuckMyLifeImUsingHashtagsInMyBlogToBeSarcasticKillMeLOL) I'm just not sure if that is slowing my recovery. I have to keep at it. I have to make money.
Money is tight. With my truck having a blow head gasket still, high ass rent prices, storage in my home town, many other bills, and a ton of doctor's expenses. Money has been very tight. And it sucks. It's not helping with my stress that's for sure.
I've been pretty depressed lately. Just because all I can really do is make content to try to make money or lay in bed because of how miserable I physically feel from everything going on with my health. Not to mention bad news from back home. Things aren't going very well with my family. My aunt has been in the hospital and had surgery. That's the most I'm going to say.
I need to make a trip there to see my mom and aunt, and hopefully empty out the storage unit I have there. I'm tired of paying monthly on that unit. They keep raising the prices on me too. I can't afford that unit anymore but I have many valuable belongings in there.
I'm busting my ass making content as it is, but I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how I can make more money a bit faster. I've thought about camming, but really after trying to cam many times in the past I really really really don't want to cam. And I don't know if I have the energy to cam and still make content.
And it's not like I have someone who can help me out. Even the doctor I saw recommended I stay with someone for the time being because of the state of my health. I need to lessen my burdens. Easier said than done. I have extremely high rent because of the city I am in. I refuse to leave. I love it here. I've tried living elsewhere in country. Can't help it once I've returned for the 3rd time. I am more me here. I am happier here.
I am just very very financially stressed. I have no one to help relieve that stress. I barely even have anyone to have a face to face conversation about how I feel. This blog is the best I got. I really have no one. I don't even really have a shoulder to cry on. The people I do know IRL, I don't think they care enough about me to hear me out.
I always get treated pretty shitty when I try to talk about how I feel, emotionally and physically. I'm used to people not caring. I just hate when everyone expects me to care when they don't. People are selfish. I wish I grew up to be selfish. I wish I was more of a bitch. Even recently I had someone, whom I thought was a friend, fuck me over.
You really don't see people's true colors until they are walking all over you...
I have someone else who just keeps trying to kind of pressure me into things I don't really want to do for extra work, but financially I might, because I really need the money. I just feel like if I do what I am pressured to do then I am letting myself down and basically disrespecting myself for going against what I feel is right. But... Money... I really need it.
I wish somehow a ton of money fell from the sky so I could just pay my bills and rent for a few months in advance so I can not stress as much and focus more on fun awesome content, not focus on what things can I do to make money... And how much respect for myself will I loose in the process.
I can't really go to a strip club, I am far from physically capable to do anything like that. I already push myself really freaking hard as it is. Normal jobs are still a no-go simply because my health is too unpredictable so I have never ever held down a job in my life since the health stuff started getting bad when I was 14. I've worked but never lasted.
Here I am on my own during a very tough battle with my health, no transportation, living alone, self-employed, zero help from the government, no way to even go to or from junk yards to do my parts work, and treated like shit by those who said they were their for me or are my friend.
Friends don't treat friends like shit. Friends don't make up stupid ass excuses just to get what they want. Friends return favors. Friends don't abuse friend's trust. Friends don't take friends for granted.
Here I am, a loner. With only the internet to console me. With only people I know on the internet to listen (I mean read) to what I have to say (type) but even then I still withhold so much of the crappy details of my shitty life.
I am very thankful to have my internet buddies. They do mean a lot to me. They are sweet and caring, not to mention very supportive. They make me feel like I'm a normal girl, even just for a little while. I wouldn't be anywhere without them. I just wish everyone was like that in real life, not just those I know online.
I really wish money was not such an issue... Why is it so hard to live normally when your health is not normal? I guess for now I will just keep at what I am doing now and hope that one day luck will find its way to me.
Kiss kiss meow!
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
TL;DR? Summery: Literally, just a few days. I will be online, but not filming.
My body needs rest. I should be back to filming this weekend
So the past few weeks I have been going hard. Non-stop. With my truck being down, repairing it, and trying to get my ManyVids to take off more. It's really wearing me out. I tweaked my shoulder again, so it is really hurting me right now. I need to give it and myself a break before I break myself.
Also with how many videos I have been producing lately I have really let my room become a mess. I do have plenty of videos to upload for weeks, really. If I stick to my Wed & Sat upload schedule I can probably last about two months without running out of videos.
Anyways, back to the room I film it. So it's a big mess. You can't tell because everything stays behind the camera. Seriously... I finally got some organization stuff so I want to get in there to go through everything to make it as organized as can be. I can not tell you how hard it is to find the right stockings when I have so many! Same for panties and everything else. I even keep miss placing my toys. Over the next few days I will be (carefully, as too not strain my shoulder any more) organizing the film room.
I can not stop doing everything since I still have bills to pay so I will still be doing my IRL work. There is so much I have to do, like try to get stuff together for my truck so I can drive again or yard work because I rent so I can not let the yard go un-managed for too long. It's just I won't be filming for a few days, It will not be for too long. Ill rest from today to the 5th or 6th, then on the 5th or 6th I will film some. Then around the 8th to the 14th I will not be filming for other reasons. Then back to filming often after that.
While I'm taking those days off I will be online. I will also be spending some time prepping for the videos I will be producing soon. I have many items I need to gather for a few ideas so I need to get them for finishing touches. I do have a wishlist for items I need to go towards certain videos. Even though some of the uses for each item is kept secret so every one can have good surprises when the content comes out. If you wish to contribute to help support the production of my videos and help me gather the items I need quicker you can check out the wishlist by clicking here.
**Any contributors WILL receive unboxing/first use content made with the item or have the option to receive the content that is planned to be made with that item when the content has been made (could be a little while for some content).**
Again, I will STILL upload videos to my ManyVids regularly on Wednesdays & Saturdays, so make sure to check back often. I will also try to spend more time blogging here... Keep an eye out on the MV Blog for one of my blogs! And the MV Gear contest. I will post the contest on my twitter as soon as its active.
Follow me on twitter for the quickest updates on when I will be filming. Because if I feel like filming Ill tweet that I'm about to film like usual. I'll be on twitter as well.
Follow me: @_KittyMoon
Kiss kiss meow!
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
noun: deity; plural noun: deities
a god or goddess (in a polytheistic religion). "a deity of ancient Greece" synonyms: god, goddess, divine being, supreme being, divinity, immortal;
- divine status, quality, or nature. "a ruler driven by delusions of deity"
- the creator and supreme being (in a monotheistic religion such as Christianity). noun: Deity; noun: the Deity
- a representation of a god or goddess, such as a statue or carving.
Before I get into detail I want to give a disclaimer. I am not telling you or others to drop their religion/spiritual beliefs to worship another. I am simply telling you one deity you CAN worship while still practicing your current religion/spiritual beliefs.
Hopefully you may have read my last blog "On the shore of the ocean of beliefs", otherwise this might not make a whole lot of sense. I will be referring back to the previous blog often so make sure to check it out if you get a bit lost.
So as I talked about before there are people out there who use religion and spiritual beliefs as a way to get attention. Some will convert and pray to a god in hopes the god will bless them with the notoriety and prosperity they seek. Some use religions and spiritualities as an aesthetic on social media to gain followers. Some will often change beliefs regularly just for the trending aspect of those beliefs.
All to receive attention and some sort of fame from others instead of working hard to earn it themselves. That's not how it works. Religion is not meant for those purposes. If you want your fame your not going to get it by publicly posting about you religion. You can practice the religion or spirituality that you feel is right in your heart for you while giving attention to the deity I am about to tell you about. You can do both, and you could possibly attain that fame you seek.
There is a deity that you can worship that will allow you to achieve your dreams, goals, and even popularity if that is what you seek. This deity is beyond powerful, more powerful than any other out there. The deity is neither evil or good, it is literally how YOU perceive the deity to be. This deity is rarely spoken about as a god/goddess. It is such an ignored deity that is should be a crime how much people don't pay it any mind. The deity I speak of is absolutely amazing, very unique. This deity is truly 1 in 7.5B people, that's how unique.
Who am I talking about you ask? Is it that unimportant that you don't even know where I'm going with this? Or do you know who I am talking about but just reading to see how this pans out? I can't give you the exact name of the deity, but I can say one thing.
The deity is one's self... You. Are. Your. Own. Deity.... As I am my own deity. It's not a sin in any religion to believe in yourself (if it is considered a sin in one religion then that's just terrible) as well as the god(s)/goddess(es) you believe in, worship, and follow. Have you ever once seen yourself as a being with divine nature? Do you never look at yourself and go "I am amazing. I can do anything."? Or even during something you feel is impossible do think to yourself "If I can just get past this one thing then I will be happy.", and you get past that one thing... Have you ever realized you created your own blessings, miracles, answers to prayers, and luck?
Even when I was in church so long ago I was taught that the Christian "god" will never give you a task you can not handle and that he doesn't always intervene. If that's the case how did all those good things happen to you after such low points in your life? Because you made it happen. Not a god. Not anyone else. YOU. You are your own deity, you are your own creator of your future.
If you wake up one day, put on your favorite clothes with confidence, and you carry that confidence with you no matter what, others will perceive you as an amazing confident person surrounded with positivity. If you wake up one day, pissed the fuck off at the world everyone will feel that anger then get frustrated for no reason and you would only create more negativity in and for yourself.
If you tell yourself you can do anything, 99% of the time you can do anything. Almost like 'The Little Engine That Could' with the "I think I can, I think I can..." then next thing you know, you can and are doing what you set your mind too.
The key is, not to be arrogant about it. Others will try to convince people they are the best in the world. It's not about that. It's about making your dreams come true. It is also about remembering everyone else is their own deity as well, so you can't force people to leave their personal deity behind to worship you. That is more or less abuse of your divine status. And just flat out wrong. If you see yourself as a god or goddess respect your other human gods and goddesses, do not get arrogant or egotistical.
As for me, it was not until recently I truly discovered this. Since I have started to respect myself and to care or worship myself more I have noticed a MAJOR change in my life. I have so much more confidence. I can look at myself in the mirror now and think "damn, I look good." Not only do I have confidence, I also have more happiness and peace. I'm achieving more of my goals. I'm completing projects I've wanted to do for months. I am very happy with my work while still growing to learn more.
I have put myself, my likes, and my desires first, so much so now anything feels possible. It felt impossible trying to compare or compete with others, or to even try to follow other peoples demands. I 'worship' myself and I can feel the power in me to take on anything. I even have more people approach me online and IRL just because I "have a ethereal glow surrounding me" from what one person said to me.
I've carried this positivity around with me for a few weeks and I can not explain the many small bursts of luck I have attained with this positivity. From being gifted free books at a book store, to free and big discounts on vintage clothing from a boutique I will now forever go to. I even found two wallets in one day (I returned one since I saw the person near by and I am about to mail the other one since they have not contacted me through a found ad I posted.)
You really do create your luck. You do not have to broadcast who you worship or believe for likes when you can just be more confident in yourself and stay true to yourself. People love and feed off of confidence. Be yourself, praise yourself, pray to yourself, worship yourself, love yourself and others will follow. Do not try to be like everyone else. Stop trying so hard to follow trends to get noticed. Be yourself and people will probably start to crawl to you.
Lol I know I have a few 'followers/fans/friends' who enjoy me for being myself and not trying to be like the others, and I am so thankful for them that often times I feel I owe them, so often times I do spoil them a little bit. (You can be spoiled too if you checked out my ManyVids for FREE vids, make sure to leave reviews for more treats... yes I know this is a shameless self-plug but hey, I make my own future, does not mean I cant promote myself lol) Even though most people in the sex work/adult industry demand you spoil them, it's not just about someone getting off to content. It's also about the people who follow you for who you are as well. So even if you and them see you as a god/goddess it does not mean you can take advantage.
Don't be cocky and arrogant. Stay humble, but remember you are the creator of your future.
Maybe my next blog will be about how I "worship" myself and how you can worship yourself too be the best deity for yourself that you can be. "Before you turn the camera on" does include some of the tips. Just remember, you don't always have to do a gods work, but you can do your own work and make something out of yourself and future.
Kiss kiss meow!
I'm breaking rules, my own rules. I know I always said there were two things I wouldn't ever really talk about: religion and politics. Yet here I am breaking that rule as today's topic will be religion, or the fake practice of spiritual beliefs to gain attention.
Since my truck is down and I don't have much transportation I have been spending a bit more time online. Lately I have been coming across a few people I once followed online on social media announcing their new convergence to a different religion/spiritual belief. I'm all cool with that. I'm open to all religions and everyone having their own opinions on religion even though I don't have set beliefs tied to one single religion as I was taught (plus self-taught) about most of the religions in the world. I never found one category I fell in completely, so I have my own beliefs.
This is not what this is about...
My issue isn't with them changing religions. My issue is their reason for them changing their religions. From what I have seen I would say about 75% of the time they are converting just for selfish reasons. One person I am speaking about has converted to the religion of the person they are obsessed with in hopes to get closer to that person and have more in common with them. Not because they feel in their heart that its a religion for them or that they even see the religion as the one true religion in their eyes.
Another example I've seen is people converting in hopes that prayer, worship, and everything else they do tied to the religion/beliefs will allow them to attain the notoriety and prosperity that they so deeply desire. They want to take the lazy way out by depending on an invisible deity to do the work for them to make them their fame. They will not work for it themselves, they just pray (more like beg) to their deity for the "handout" of which they ask for. They often believe just saying its their belief will persuade the deity to take notice.
This next example is one that is worse the the above examples. The worst of the worse. The most selfish, lazy, disrespectful reasons to claim ties to a religion. That example is when someone constantly changes their beliefs based on trends and popularity. They don't care about the religion or spirituality. They don't care about those who DO take the religion/spiritual beliefs seriously. They use religion as if its a designer handbag. Always trying to talk about it on social media, always using those hashtags or keywords for more likes when IRL they don't even do a percentage of the things related to the religion that they say do.
There are even people who often change their "beliefs" just to fit the trends. Or those who claim to believe one thing yet shortly after claim to believe another thing that goes completely against their previous claim. One example is someone who claimed to be non-God believing Atheist also claims a week later to be a Satanist. One of the most common myths to Christians is that Atheist believe/worship Satan when in fact most Atheist who do not believe there is a God also do not believe there is a Satan since Satan is the "evil rival" to God. You can not claim one thing then shortly after claim another when its as conflicting as it is.
I'm seeing it more and more lately. Why its bothersome to me is people stopped taking religion seriously. Now people are either extremist or fake. Religion isn't what is used to be, and that's a problem. Even though religion isn't taken seriously anymore we as humans are reverting back to being super judgmental on different religions mainly because of the extremists and the fakes.
I fear that in a short time all religions will just be a joke or the cause of a lot of pain or even both at the same time. Religions are loosing their value and meanings. It's terrible. All because people go about them the wrong way.
There is a right way to follow your religion/belief while gain the fame with spirituality like you desire so badly without abusing your religion. Just no one seems to want to do it. There is so much more to it. Its simple but yet so complex (apparently) most people wouldn't even think of it.
My next blog will talk about how to gain your fame with spiritual beliefs. Stay tuned because that is next. Like really, next, right after this blog I will start on the next one.
Here are some pretty photos I took of the ocean last year
(Photo by me in 2016, please ask before use)
Kiss kiss meow!