"Treat others how you want to be treated"
I always treated others how I want to be treated. Always. Well, at least one side of that rule I applied to my life. What no one ever teaches you when it comes to this rule is that it has two sides. One, the obvious, if you want people to be nice to you then be nice to them. Two, the side no one speaks about, you treat others the way they treat(-ed) you.
My problem is I am always nice, respectful, accepting, honest, believing, open-minded, forgiving, and giving many chances to people in hopes they will in return do the same to me. Oh, how naive I have been. No one ever returns the favors/actions/energies I put out. No matter how many chances I give them. I am always disrespected, deceived, and judged.
Recently, I had a friend contact me after nearly a year of no contact. Let me tell you why lost contact. After all the help I offered, all the options I gave them to make their life better, after all the times I was there when they were down or hurt, after all the effort and time I put into this friendship I was treated so unfairly. This person blew up at me, started judging things like my adult work when they talked about getting into it, they would seek my advice only to never take it and be mad at me when things went bad. Long story short we had a falling out and this friend did not treat me how I treat them. So I took a step back.
We didn't speak for awhile. After this person got out of a shitty relationship that I often kept warning them about and trying to help them get out of their situation, even offering them a place to stay while they were with that person. This person reached out to me saying they were sorry for their stupidity, that I was a good friend for never being judgmental and always just wanting to help. Basically for the first time in my life I did not respond to this person nor knew how I could. So I never replied. Finally, I am close to treating someone how they showed they wanted to be treated. Reason I say close is because I can't be as harsh as they were to me.
It's always been me treating people very well only to be treated badly in return. I am know as the friend to go to when someone is having trouble. From animal help, relationship advice, emergency money, a place to sleep, etc. I always help out when someone needs it. I can not tell you how many people's cars I have helped repair, but when I am stranded with a flat tire or dead battery, or even spending 6 months with out a vehicle after a wreck, no one comes to my rescue. (except one time to help push my wrecked vehicle into the garage, that is honestly the only time someone has came to my aid.)
If I am hanging out with friends and I get hungry, often times I will pay for their meal as well so I do not feel bad about eating in front of them. Even now that I have a vehicle again I've already given rides to several people, but the last 6 months I was either paying a fuck load for a rental car or taking a Lyft because I could never get a ride to anywhere for anything no matter how many days in advance I ask or how much gas money I offered.
This isn't just a recent thing. This has been going on all my life, only now I notice it much more and I try not to be so giving to everyone. I still treat people so much better than how I am treated. I doubt that will ever change, but I do need to learn to say "No" when people expect me to do things for them when I already know they wont return the favor. I need to stop giving so many chances to people who do not deserve them.
I should start treating others like how they treat me. I should blow them off when they need help. I should ignore them when I don't need anything. I should judge them and tell them how wrong they are. I should refuse to help fix their vehicle. I should eat in front of them and not offer them food. I should call them up in the middle of the night when I am upset and expect them to answer. I should ask for money and expect them to give it to me. I should only listen to half of what they say and forget the rest. I should do a million things differently like the people I know do.
But that's not me.
Instead, I just need to change how I go about things. I wish they had classes on things like this. [How to tone down the niceness but still be nice 101 and other adult lessons] Honestly I really wish this was something I do not have to learn so late in my life. That saying "Can't teach an old dog new tricks", is true. When you are taught something sometimes it's hard to unlearn it, no matter how much you despise that 'trick' you were forced to learn.
Like the first time you touched a hot burner and learned you will never touch it again because it hurt to touch it. After many times of getting hurt from being to nice or giving to others, you would think you would learn as quickly as you did with the hot burner. Nope. It's not like that. This is something I have to learn to unlearn in order to make my life a bit less painful. And this is the beginning of my learning experience.
I should have never lived my life by that stupid golden rule that gets good people hurt.
Kiss kiss meow!