Sunday, May 21, 2017

The Golden Rule

"Treat others how you want to be treated"

As a young child I always heard that phrase. Whether I over heard someone telling their kid this or if it was my own family telling me. Regardless, that simple phrase was embedded into my mind (possibly my soul as well) for the rest of my life. Not only did I grow up learning this way, I continued to live my life by that one rule.

I always treated others how I want to be treated. Always. Well, at least one side of that rule I applied to my life. What no one ever teaches you when it comes to this rule is that it has two sides. One, the obvious, if you want people to be nice to you then be nice to them. Two, the side no one speaks about, you treat others the way they treat(-ed) you.

My problem is I am always nice, respectful, accepting, honest, believing, open-minded, forgiving, and giving many chances to people in hopes they will in return do the same to me. Oh, how naive I have been. No one ever returns the favors/actions/energies I put out. No matter how many chances I give them. I am always disrespected, deceived, and judged.

Recently, I had a friend contact me after nearly a year of no contact. Let me tell you why lost contact. After all the help I offered, all the options I gave them to make their life better, after all the times I was there when they were down or hurt, after all the effort and time I put into this friendship I was treated so unfairly. This person blew up at me, started judging things like my adult work when they talked about getting into it, they would seek my advice only to never take it and be mad at me when things went bad. Long story short we had a falling out and this friend did not treat me how I treat them. So I took a step back.

We didn't speak for awhile. After this person got out of a shitty relationship that I often kept warning them about and trying to help them get out of their situation, even offering them a place to stay while they were with that person. This person reached out to me saying they were sorry for their stupidity, that I was a good friend for never being judgmental and always just wanting to help. Basically for the first time in my life I did not respond to this person nor knew how I could. So I never replied. Finally, I am close to treating someone how they showed they wanted to be treated. Reason I say close is because I can't be as harsh as they were to me.

It's always been me treating people very well only to be treated badly in return. I am know as the friend to go to when someone is having trouble. From animal help, relationship advice, emergency money, a place to sleep, etc. I always help out when someone needs it. I can not tell you how many people's cars I have helped repair, but when I am stranded with a flat tire or dead battery, or even spending 6 months with out a vehicle after a wreck, no one comes to my rescue. (except one time to help push my wrecked vehicle into the garage, that is honestly the only time someone has came to my aid.)

If I am hanging out with friends and I get hungry, often times I will pay for their meal as well so I do not feel bad about eating in front of them. Even now that I have a vehicle again I've already given rides to several people, but the last 6 months I was either paying a fuck load for a rental car or taking a Lyft because I could never get a ride to anywhere for anything no matter how many days in advance I ask or how much gas money I offered.

This isn't just a recent thing. This has been going on all my life, only now I notice it much more and I try not to be so giving to everyone. I still treat people so much better than how I am treated. I doubt that will ever change, but I do need to learn to say "No" when people expect me to do things for them when I already know they wont return the favor. I need to stop giving so many chances to people who do not deserve them.

I should start treating others like how they treat me. I should blow them off when they need help. I should ignore them when I don't need anything. I should judge them and tell them how wrong they are. I should refuse to help fix their vehicle. I should eat in front of them and not offer them food. I should call them up in the middle of the night when I am upset and expect them to answer. I should ask for money and expect them to give it to me. I should only listen to half of what they say and forget the rest. I should do a million things differently like the people I know do.

But that's not me.

Instead, I just need to change how I go about things. I wish they had classes on things like this. [How to tone down the niceness but still be nice 101 and other adult lessons] Honestly I really wish this was something I do not have to learn so late in my life. That saying "Can't teach an old dog new tricks", is true. When you are taught something sometimes it's hard to unlearn it, no matter how much you despise that 'trick' you were forced to learn.

Like the first time you touched a hot burner and learned you will never touch it again because it hurt to touch it. After many times of getting hurt from being to nice or giving to others, you would think you would learn as quickly as you did with the hot burner. Nope. It's not like that. This is something I have to learn to unlearn in order to make my life a bit less painful. And this is the beginning of my learning experience.

I should have never lived my life by that stupid golden rule that gets good people hurt.

Kiss kiss meow!

Saturday, May 13, 2017

All that is gold does not glitter

Today was strange. For the first time ever someone called me disabled. They aren't wrong. They are also not correct.

I do have an old injury to my shoulder, the cause of the injury I will save for another day.

Needless to say over the years my shoulder will have spells of intense pain for a few days or weeks and then all the other times it will be fine, giving me no issues. Sometimes it will act up, sometimes its easy to forget its been injured (but still to hard to forget how it was injured)...

For the past week now my shoulder has been bothering me and today it is pretty much useless. I can not do anything with it but keep it against my body and motionless. Regardless of the pain I still have to get stuff done. I don't have a helper or anything so I always have to suck it up and just deal with it. Including going to the store.

I tried not to make it obvious that I can not move my arm around, most people did not even pay any attention, which is good. I do not like getting attention that could induce pity on me from strangers. Apparently one girl my age noticed while we were in the check out line. How did I know she noticed?

Well, the cashier was a male, there was only me, and the girl and her friend in the line and in that area. While I am standing there talking to the cashier as he is scanning my stuff I heard the girl whisper (not very discretely) to her friend saying "That girl is handicapped...arm..", I just ignored it and went about check out. I didn't think it would phase me any, but as I was walking out of the store I couldn't get it out of my head.

She wasn't wrong, but she wasn't right. 

While my shoulder did handicap me for a day, it is far from the reason I am somewhat disabled. I am disabled for a whole different reason, a reason that no one could ever see, a reason that even the Social Security Administration region for my home state did not want to give me any assistance. A reason hidden behind my smile that I have to live with every single day for the rest of my life.

You see, I have a few conditions that people call "Invisible Illnesses (or diseases)" and "Chronic Illnesses (or diseases)". While they are real and exist in the most horrific ways, you can not see them from the outside. From a severely weak immune system to chronic pain to extreme allergies, I am riddled with so much pain and fatigue. I do not want to get into too much detail right now about my health, I will eventually explain everything.

Back to today's events. It did not bother me that this girl did not discreetly point out I am disabled to her friend, it did bother me that she assumed I was disabled for all the wrong reasons and for something so minor to me. I have fought for years for people to realize that just because I look normal does not mean I am. Same goes for anyone. There are millions of people who suffer with health problems and no one notices.

I really should not let it bother me, but this was the very first time EVER someone has considered me disabled without speaking to me. It's strange. It's just, it would have been better if this girl knew what all I have to go through daily to appear as normal as she is.

Anyways... I am a Spoonie, a girl with invisible illnesses and chronic diseases, I cant even be around sick children, I have a crazy strict diet now to prevent "flare-ups" and I fight my battles like a girl, but do so alone with no support. I am pretty damn proud of myself for making it this far.
** Side note: nothing I have is contagious or was given to me, most of my issues I was born with or developed over time **

So, moral of my story is, hell if I know... Don't judge a book by its cover? Appearances are often misleading? What really matters is invisible to the eyes? Don’t just look at the surface? Oh I know, my favorite: All that is gold does not glitter. I may look normal, but I am not, I am flawed to perfection. 😸

Kiss kiss meow!

Monday, May 8, 2017

The Goddess of Teese!

I am going to try my best to hold it together while typing....



The Glamour Girl. The Queen of Burlesque. The Femme Fatale. The Goddess of Seduction. A woman so talented and beautiful she oozes sex appeal. The one and only, Dita Von Teese is coming to preform in my city during her The Art of Teese tour!

Dita! Dita Von Teese will be in the very city I am in, practically breathing the same air! (somewhat pot smoke filled air.) I can not express or even contain my excitement. Never have I ever wanted to go to something this much.

I am so horrible at being in very crowded places, I am not good at being "normal" around people. I am very awkward and clumsy. I fumble my words, I fidget, I get super nervous, I always feel like people think Im weird. Crowded places put me on edge. (Im sure it doesn't help that I spend most of my time solo and away from people.

But let me tell you something, I am going to do my damnedest to go to her show. I am going to break out of my comfort zone for this goddess. This rare opportunity. To me, a once in a life time chance.

And you know what else? I think I will even glam myself up for it. I will use some of her tips and tricks from her book, Your Beauty Mark: The Ultimate Guide to Eccentric Beauty, and pamper myself before her show. I normally do the pampering before I start filming. I have yet to really pamper myself aside from filming. Maybe buy a new dress depending on the money I have to spare.

I cant believe I am so excited still! I have been exhausted and feeling crappy all day but now I feel energized! Pure joy right now! Let me explain a little of why I am so excited.

I grew up in a little run down city off the Gulf Coast (not in TX). Dita has far too much class to step foot in that filthy town. Not to mention that town would rather have country or some no name rapper perform there then some one so profoundly elegant. Plus they hate anything sexy. Also, not many would even know who she is probably. (Except some of the goths and kinky women, both categories I belonged to there.)

So because I grew up in a city like that I never thought I would ever get to see her perform. I felt like the only way I could see her perform was to travel out of the state, most likely needing a room to stay in during the trip and what ever else. Back when I lived there I was not making much money, so I could not afford travel and entertainment like that. She is not the only person I have felt like I would never see in person, but she is the one person I would try to do everything to go see.

Now I am in a city of dreams come true. A city of opportunity. I make more (though rent is insane!) money. And now I hear she is coming her. Another dream come true for me! How could I pass it up? I will be devastated if I cant go. I have passed up many events here, but this, this I can not pass up. I have to go. I am tired of digging through the internet just to watch Dita perform. I want to see her in person!

And I WILL get to watch her in person. Even if my health wants to get in the way, I will suck it up and go!

Even thinking about how depressing it was to grow up in my home town has not brought my excitement down one bit. I'm so giddy right now. Alright enough rambling on.

Kiss kiss meow!

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Big naughty cosplay plan!

I know I promised to post a blog on this for awhile now. I have been super busy so I have not had the time, but today since it is stormy here now I cant work much but I do have some free time. So here we go, lets get in to some details.

Before we start... Have you seen this? 

I can not give you all the details because I want this to stay a unique, one of a kind cosplay. I did some looking around & it was very obvious this character has not really made an appearance in the adult work world. Meaning this will give me a head start on bringing a character from my favorite movie to life in an even more sexy way.

Instead of giving you the name of the movie or the character's name I will just give you a few tidbits about the movie, along with plans I have for my rendition of this movie. Lets start!
  • This is a main female horror movie character
  • There are 3 movies total with the same female characters
  • Years the movies were released: 2000-2004
  • It is not an American film, but it is in English
  • Some would consider this a supernatural kind of movie
  • I am already a lot like the female lead
  • During the movie the female lead undergoes some character changes
  • The movies do have a dark touch to them which I love
Very vague, I know, I am so sorry about that. I just have to protect the character & movie info so no one will steal my ideas before I even have the chance to save up funding for this cosplay. So please respect my vagueness, its for good reasons. So far only one person may have an idea of what I will be doing but that's about it, this way it wont just suddenly become a trend in the adult work communities. 

There are two lead females in the movie but I do not have anyone to play the second female, plus in the movie the females are sisters... Sooooo, yeah I am not sure if I want to do anything revolving around that subject. But I know if I had a female to work with she does not have to be the sister since there were a few other females in the movies with minor roles. 

There are males in the movies as well but I do not have any men worth a damn to work with here haha. So no males for now. Otherwise I could play the scenes out even better. Instead I will make due with what I can & play out the scenes on my own. 

In case you missed it the first time: 

How will I put my kinky Kitty Moon spin on this movie character rendition? Well keep reading because I'm about to give you some details... Yes, I will still be fairly vague. Here are the details & ideas I want to use. Gives you a little bit more idea of what to expect. 
  • I will be doing several videos & photo sets a part of this character play. It wont be a one video kind of thing.
  • Since the character goes through some changes I will try to do content that will cover all these changes. Photo sets & vids.
  • The character did have some sex appeal & some suggested sexual scenes, but I plan to amp that up, a LOT. My rendition will be oozing sex, and of course the "suggested sex" will not be suggested but the main element of this character.
  • I will probably film in a few different places, including my creepy basement haha, as apart of the character changes. 
  • My plans consist of a few messes, especially the main plan that will be super messy. 
  • And since this is a horror movie it will be bloody, fake blood but bloody. In stages too. The last stage will be the absolute bloodiest & so full of cummy orgasms!
  • The warnings attached to some of the "scenes" are: Blood, gore, confinement, consensual non consent of a dildo (I will rape a willing dildo 😹 gotta keep it some what close to the movie, right?)... Okay, really, it will have a warning once I have the content made since I am still planning everything out & coming up with new ideas
  • Since it will be just me, some scenes will be POV.
  • I plan to include most of my toys. Dildo, vibrators, plugs, & more.
  • Kinks included will be: Orgasm denial/edging, rape play (but slightly different since Ill be solo), anal play, nylon/stocking worship, ass worship, very rough sex, messy blowjob, & so much more!
I will release more info as I come up with it. When I make the content I will have a bundle which will contain everything made for that character play, but I will also break it down to individual videos & photos sets. This way people who don't like the gore or hardcore stuff wont have to get it if they just want the more soft-core content & vice-versa. 

I have most of the stuff I plan to use but there are a few items I want to get to really make the character come to life otherwise it will just be me covered in blood at the end of it all. 😹

Seriously though, this is a unique cosplay. I have yet to find anyone who has ever done anything from this movie or character in the adult work wold. So if you are just as interested in seeing this character come to life for your viewing pleasure, then please check out my "Fund me" on my ManyVids to help me get closer to making this happen. It would mean some much to me!

Again here is the Fund Me link: 

As I said, if I come up with more ideas to go with this cosplay Ill update & post another blog about it here. I also plan to do a blog later about my other plan for content but I think I will have to save up much more money for it seeing as I live in an expensive ass city. 

I just hope that maybe some one will see my cosplay plan or the other plan and be willing to help out because they want to see it happen too. Being a single, self employed, and slightly physically disabled (I prefer the term, limited over disabled) adult content creator is rough some times! As long as I keep putting my will power and energies in, eventually I will make it happen, right?

That's all for now, Ill try to blog again soon. At least I make more content then blogs haha. 

Kiss kiss meow!