Wednesday, December 19, 2018


My 2019 Goals

**- SW related only

  • Stay hydrated
  • Take needed vitamins/supplements
  • Workout, yoga, or something
  • Camera UPGRADE
  • And get new equipment (mic, tripods, etc.)
  • See my mom
  • Organize kitchen cabinets 
  • Meditate
  • Pap smear (Its been forever!)
  • Plan the much needed diet plan for health/gains
  • 2nd savings I hope to never touch or drain until I buy land or something major.
  • Make top 100 on MV!!**
  • Take better care if my hair (ie more DIY treatments, new scissors)
  • Re-pot my aloe plant
  • Finally buy that new cookware I've been talking about needing since 2016
  • 800+ credit score (dying laughing)
  • Sleep better
  • Try to eat 1 serving of fruit and veggies, each.
  • Average $1k/month MINIMUM from SW (barely getting $500)**
  • The tattoo I've been wanting for 10 years
  • Create something non-SW related at least once a month
  • Braces (possibly invisalign)
  • Actually stock up on essentials so I don't always run out
  • Less pointless inconveniences 
  • Average more than 4 hrs of sleep a night 
  • Make a routine or schedule
  • Finally replace my make up with stuff that's not old or that I am allergic too...

Added after publishing this blog

  • Camper trailer due to move

COMPLETED/Removed due to moving
  • Fully convert my spare room into my "dressing" room** (removed)
  • Let go of some clutter (books, mags, some collectibles, odds/ends) (COMPLETE)
  • Paint an accent wall to break up the blue-gloom-gray walls (removed)
  • Work on projects (I still have the rocks I collected for my project) (removed)
  • Give myself a little hangout area in the backyard (removed)
  • Somehow recycle despite my shitty trash service (removed)
  • Renovate** (removed)
  • New kitchen appliances (very doubtful) (removed)
  • Have at least one alternative filming area** (removed)
  • Fix up bathroom (new towel rack, replace lights, new curtain, etc.) (removed)
  • Fully update all my clip sites** (COMPLETE)

Saturday, December 15, 2018

I'm back

Sorry about my little hiatus this past week. I've had so much going on and just felt too overwhelmed but I am not dead yet lol I just needed a break, my mind didn't want to focus on reading or typing or anything really.

I've kept a lot to myself the past few months, I don't think it was or is healthy for me to just bottle it up like I have been. I also wanted to wait until I had some answers before I talked about somethings. I didn't want to sound sure of one thing and another happen instead.

To start, a few months ago I was in a wreck. There was a 3rd party involved that caused an accident between another vehicle and mine. No one was hurt, thankfully. My truck took most of the damage to the tire, so I thought. The other vehicle just needs new doors. Long story short after multiple shops working on my truck and me having to repetitively scream at my insurance that they have not fixed my truck, my truck is finally at a shop who knows what they are doing and now the insurance realizes the issues ARE IN FACT from the wreck. *rolls eyes* One day I'll talk about this little scam insurance companies have going on with slightly older vehicles.
Now the verdict is it will be in the shop until at least February, maybe much later since they have to special order my parts. After that Ill decide if I want to keep it or sale it even though I just dropped a new motor in it this year.

Also my half brother from my dad was just diagnosed with cancer and is finishing up his treatment. Crazy as this sounds, I've never met my half brother. I only found out about him later on in life. I had always hoped and wanted to meet him... But now he's gotten sick, I feel unsure if I will get to meet him. I cant afford a trip to see him. If I could afford any trip I would go see my mom. And they live in opposite directions and I'm in the middle.

And every time I talk to my mom I always learn more depressing news. I can hardly take any more bad news. She's still unemployed after the company she worked with for most of my life went under. She is barely getting by just like me. I would love to fly her up here but she has to take care of my aunt who can no longer care for herself after a stroke a few years ago. I just really miss my mom, it's been so long since I've seen her or really spent time with her and I want to tell her so much. One day Ill visit her hopefully.

These past few months have been rough. Money has been very tight for me. My account keeps over drafting so I just keep putting more into bank fees than my stomach. On top of necessary auto-pay bills I keep having sudden expenses come out of me. I'm hardly able to eat let alone take care of myself. I am just stuck in a really bad place in life right now.

I needed a few days off from the internet. I took time to edit and fight with every inconvenience to try to get holiday content done. After I finish this I'm going to try to get some done finally. *fingers crossed* As long as nothing else unexpected happens. I set so many high expectations for myself but I always end up failing myself more than I fail others.

Even my goals are starting to seem impossible because I cant dedicate enough time and energy to reach them right now.

Things will get better right?

Anyways, I am back from my hiatus, I am very sorry if I concerned anyone. Thank you for those who reached out to me. *hugs* Love you!

Kiss kiss meow!
Kitty <3 p="">