How I got away and SOME of the aftermath [Trigger Warning]

Trigger warning as there are subjects that could trigger many emotions such as talk about stalking, harassment, and abuse.

Please note: I have not, and will not disclose any names. All information given is backed with evidence and witnesses. Nothing has been falsified. This is purely all from my experience. 

If you have not read the first blog about my experience please do so for more context.



    I know I just kind of cut the other blog fairly short without talking about how I got away and the aftermath. That is what I am going to touch on now because it helps express my reasons of concern and fear.

    How did I get away? Well I guess it was a cruel blessing that we were being evicted from the house we had lived in for a few years. We were not able to find a place to rent afterwards since my income was not as credible as it should be and since he kept quitting or being fired from pizza jobs it was hard to find anyone willing to rent to us. We ended up in a hotel for a little while but after awhile the decision was made to move back to my hometown.

    I half heartedly believed that in a cheaper city where we could save money to do whatever he wanted things would be easier on us, less stress and hopefully less arguing. I also believed if there was a way to get away, it would be easier there with more people I knew and more familiar resources around me.

    I guess in his words you could say I deceived him by convincing him to go back to my hometown. After many debates we went back. Things didn't seem any easier. He was more angry. Hating every minute there. Always taking it out on me. We stayed together there for a while, even while he was off with all these different girls he would meet on Tinder or even his own exes. I knew I had no choice in letting him go off with them. The one time I tried to stand up for my feelings he held me against my closet door telling me that I HAD to let him go and I had to trust him because if he was going to cheat on me then he will if he wanted too. I knew his intentions with these girls. All he ever really talked about with them was sex and to make them feel like they were special to him. Pretty much how he trapped me in the beginning. There was even a moment I feared he was going to hurt my mom for standing up for me when he was very volatile. That is the exact moment I knew something had to be done.

    Eventually time for his court date back in Colorado rolled around so he had to leave to go back. I was able to stay behind, thankfully I had the squirrels to take care of and honestly after the back injury traveling was far from easy for me. So once again I "deceived" him by convincing him to go. That everything would be fine and he would be back in no time. Even while he was driving back to Colorado we were arguing. We installed a tracking app so I could help direct him better on his way back. At one point he refused to listen to my directions and started going in the wrong direction, even getting farther from gas despite me trying to convey him correct directions. He would once again say so many nasty things to me, getting furious with me for his own choice in ignoring my directions while I'm sitting there on the computer with google maps pulled up and with his location tracked on the phone so I knew exactly where to tell him to go. But he wouldn't listen.

    After several more arguments during the course of his drive he finally arrived in Colorado. I stopped tracking him unless he told me to look where he was at while he was driving around or stealth camping in the city in the vehicle. The tracking app worked 2 ways. He would even track me and where I was. I couldn't even go off with my family without angering him. In December around the time of my sister's wedding, my half brother whom I had yet to meet but only spoken to on the phone and online was flying down for about 2 days. Unfortunately I was unable to spend any time with my family from out of town or even with my brother other than a 2 minute hello when they came by to pick my mom up. He had threatened to burn down the beach house they were all staying at because he knew the location since I had gone there before everyone got into town.

    All the while when he was in Colorado I would still place his food orders online or even call the restaurants for pick up so he could eat. I would still send him money. Even placing Walmart pick up orders for him. Look up any address or place he wanted. Give him directions. Give him reminders when he asked. I would wake up just to do his bidding. I did EVERYTHING I could to help him stay calm and happy. It was never enough, just never.

    He would often threaten to burn down my family's homes and threaten all kinds of craziness including practically kidnapping me BEFORE I was even breaking up with him. He would even try to get me to turn my tracker back on if I did turn it off. It got to the point where I felt like a prisoner no matter where I would go. He knew people in my hometown since it was his hometown too, so I always felt like I was looking over my shoulder because he might have called someone to find me or something. I can't even begin to explain my paranoia, still before I was able to break up with him.

    The fighting, the commands, the threats just kept going. I was almost unable to make it to my sister's wedding because he had already talked about how he didn't want any part of it when we found out she was engaged. I knew going to the wedding would be a difficult task so I just tried to agree with him to pacify him. I was planning to go no matter what. Many of my family and friends that I hadn't seen or spoken to in so long were going to be there. I really never intended to miss it. I guess that was another deception to him on my behalf.

   When it came to Christmas with family it was a nightmare. He was still in Colorado, since he hated his own family and wanted nothing to do with them. He wanted me to be the same way even though I was always pretty close with my family. (He also hated holidays, especially Christmas.) We had a little Christmas family dinner. My mom, sister, and new brother-in-law were all here. We were about to give the most important person a gift, my mom. He called, I tried to ask him if I could call him back in a minute because mom was about to open her gift, instead of letting me call him back he just went off on me. Furious that I would even put him off for a moment.

   I tried and wanted to leave him for good then, but it was so hard. I went as far as to send him all kinds of numbers to seek help since he was even threatening suicide. But I couldn't fully leave him at that point, so I "stayed" with him.

   The next day as soon as I could I went to the Police department to ask for advice. I was given a number of a hotline that could offer me assistance with this matter. After speaking with them I went directly to the bank to open an account he wouldn't know much about for a little while so I could deposit money in there to save in case I needed a real exit plan. I stayed with him for less than a month while I figured out my exit strategy. I had to be careful. I had to be safe.

    And, yes, we still argued daily because that is all he wanted to do and knew how to do. He would often keep me on the phone for hours at a time or would get pissed off with me if I didn't answer or respond in a timely manner. I could hardly sleep, eat, or breath without his permission. I did a lot of research on my situation, some he even found because he started checking all my history including my YouTube watch history. It was getting more and more ridiculous, not to mention beyond controlling.

   On January 16th, 2020 I officially broke up with him, even telling him I was officially doing so with a message that read "I am officially breaking up with you. I am done. You can make it on your own, I know you can. I love you but this is for me. I can not change my mind for you anymore. I have to make this decision for myself and I just can't keep going on like this. Goodbye." Of course he refused to accept it. The next day, the 17th, my dad took me to the court house so I can file for a Restraining Order which is actually a Protection From Abuse order there. On the 21st I got a response, the judge set a court date for April, which would later be reset due to COVID-19. During that time period I would often get calls, voicemails, emails, text messages, DMs, tweets, contacting people I knew, and so much more from him. He started harassing me more and more.

This was just one screenshot out of hundreds I have from his harassment over so many months

   He would make threats regarding the vehicle we co-signed together in 2019, saying he would have it repossessed or even that he would come here and wreck it. I set up an appointment with a lawyer to figure out what could be done about the vehicle belonging to us both, and the vehicle that he had in Colorado that was solely in my name. The lawyer said there is nothing that can be done until it's paid off. I spoke with the bank I was leasing through, they said the exact same thing. I was also told that there was no way he could get it repossessed from me without BOTH of our signatures or if he paid it off and had the title adjusted to only his name. It felt like a dead-end there, but slightly secure since I was assured that as long as the vehicle was in my possession and I was paying it there would be no reason for the bank to take it since they are getting their money.

    Now the story with the vehicle... In 2019 he decided he wanted a different vehicle. I did not want it. I knew it was higher payments than I wanted to pay on a vehicle not to mention we did a trade in on the vehicle he got me to co-sign on the previous year in 2018, so that owed amount went on top of the one we were going to get. The total amount for the new vehicle was $47,000 after the down payment. After reviewing bank statements he was able to contribute to the down payment and maybe a month or two (being generous) of payments after that but since he kept having work problems he was not making much money. For 95% of the time I had been the one making the payments. Even after breaking up with him I continued to make payments, well ahead of schedule, so much so I did get it to two or so months paid up in case something happened and I couldn't make a payment on time.

    I still have the vehicle, and still owe $38,000 on it after owning it for only a year and 7 months now. Unfortunately he is still on the title as a joint owner until I can find a way to refinance or pay it off completely. Refinancing it is almost impossible for me since my work history is not as long or credible to the bank. I have the income to pay for it, just not the needed history. So I'm pretty much fucked and he still thinks he has the upper hand so he STILL often makes threats regarding the vehicle. At least until by some miracle I can pay it off soon, I truly truly hope one day soon I can some how figure out how to pay it off and get his name off of it so I can cut the final string tying us together. But with $38k remaining, it is extremely doubtful since I don't make near enough and I keep forking out money for things like having to move and travel from place to place to make sure I am safe from him. I even pay monthly for an email blocker service so I don't have to receive emails from him on any of my email accounts. I will be soon paying for a security service as well, plus tons of upgrades for security reasons. For now 75% of my sells goes to the vehicle, the rest is for food and living expenses plus helping my mom with stuff. So I don't see me paying it off anytime soon.

   I finally had my court date to finalize and make the Protection From Abuse permanent in May. Thankfully he refused the mail that the court house mailed him to serve him, therefore it still counted as being served so the judge was able to proceed. I am now protected no matter what state or US territory I am in. He can not come within 500ft of me without violating the order. He can not contact me in ANY form or fashion either without violating. 

    After seeing the judge I went and had my number changed since I didn't have to worry about the courthouse or the lawyer calling me any more. That's when the calls from him finally ended. Honestly I still hate phones after all the times he forced me to stay on the phone with him or from all the harassment so I just don't really bother with phones anymore, people know how to contact me if they need to. I was just relieved to never have him call me again. But I wouldn't put it past him to somehow get my new number since I had already changed it once, and it was bone chilling when he called me on the (old) new number months ago.

   Once being granted the Protection From Abuse I knew it was finally safe to go to Colorado to get my stuff from my storage unit, and even the unit he had that he put my stolen belongings in (yet mailed me the key then later accused me of theft when I went to the storage facility, paid HIS overdue bill, and got my stuff out) to tie up loose ends. While I was there I went to the bank to notify them I had zero intention of giving up the vehicle through voluntary repossession, explained my situation that my ex is threatening to take it away even though he has no way to pay for it, and if any document comes in with my name on it to call me immediately to verify the information.  There is a whole long story to the Colorado trip regarding him that I will blog about one day. It was hilarious yet scary creepy at the same time.

   Now, I know I don't have to explain much more about why I am scared of him but I do want to include his past with his exes from what I witnessed. We were together for almost 8 years and during that time he would regularly check up one (aka stalk) his previous exes using different excuses, such as one is his kid's mom (even though neither of them have custody, so why check up on the baby momma if she doesn't have the kid but he would not as often check up on who DID have the kid, very questionable) and the other supposedly took his car and dog. While seeing how everything is, the ex taking the car and dog makes sense. For one, he would threaten to kill our animals, so yeah he shouldn't have animals around him if he can easily make threats like that. And two, the car was probably never even in his name and she, like me, was probably the one who put the most money in it.

    I knew he would never give up stalking them, and he was with me for longer, he says I hurt him the most, so why would he stop stalking me? He won't. He will ALWAYS stalk me. He will always think he knows everything about me and where I am. He will always think he can get retribution. So yes, it leaves me constantly looking over my shoulder, double checking the locks and windows where I am. I will probably always keep moving around to stay under his radar. I even plan to go as far as changing my legal name so that way one day when I am ready to buy land or a house he can't just easily find me with a land records search. My dad wants me to get my pistol permit but I am honestly kind of scared shitless of guns, but I am more afraid of my ex than a gun.

    There are so many, countless, mirco stories I haven't even covered. I just wanted to keep this a little short, even though I know it is not short. I will of course go into more details about more things in the future. This series of my blog is far from over. I have way too much bottled up. I have to get it all out there. I can't keep it contained anymore and writing is my best release.

    Let me know which subject/topic you want me to go into more detail next. I have many blogs already lined up, but I am curious what an outsider wants to know more about with this experience.

Kiss kiss meow,
Kitty